|
I_Stay_On
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Sean
Birthday: 12/12/1985
Gender: Male
Interests: music, history, nature, politics, religions, helping others, civil rights.
Expertise: little bit of everything, mostly US history,
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  AmericasFailure
Member Since:
5/28/2004
|
|
| if any of you want to catch up on what i've been doing, find me here:
http://abstractthreats.blogspot.com/ this is much nicer than anything else, much simpler, and if you look hard, you can find a "love song"-the damned mp3
later | | |
| i dont think i will be posting in here as much, if ever again. i've lost interest in the whole internet thing. seems pointless writing to strangers about my life. i'll continue to write, just not to the masses through the web. my livejournal i wont be on anymore, and i have shut down my myspace.com account, either of which i rarely updated anyway. if you want to keep in touch you can reach me at either;
outofstep85@cox.net for email or;
AmericasFailure over AIM.
i tried writing a grand exit, but i can't right now. sorry, i need to start again. leave it all behind me. the past year has taught me that i still have a lot to learn and give. to do this i need to leave the past behind me... but not the lessons i have learned from it. you take what you can from life's experiences and learn and grow from them. and in the end, that's all you can do. there are no lectures to life, it's all hands on. life is an education you don't want to miss because you were ditching.
The greyhound's rocking out tonight
To maximum rockabilly
When two punks chose to risk the subway
For a tube to Picadilly
The Zephrys stir fast gangs for glory
Another dumb casualty
Having fun
In South West six
Hidden flick knife flicks
Kiss me, deadly, tonight
Another battle was won and lost
Down The Bishops End last night
Spotlights pick the kids in triumph
With a thousand scarves in flight, see how they run
Spring from the terraces in black and white
Young and old into the fight
Having fun
In South West Six
With violence for a fix
Kiss me, deadly, tonight
Seven o'clock they stand in rank
For the thirty bus uptown
And later in a downstairs room
She pulls her lover down
In ecstacy but they can't make a sound
'Cause her mother might come down
Having fun
In South West Six
Discovers teenage sex
Kiss me, deadly, tonight
The Snooker Hall is empty
Cause they're all out playing pool
Hustling down the Fulham Road
Doing deals with Mr.Cool
Well They're on the waterfront now instead of being at school
Too old now, even to dig pinball
Having fun
In South West Six
Having fun
When a hidden flick knife flicks
With violence for a fix
Discovers teenage sex
Tried shooting up for, kicks
Kiss me, deadly
Kiss me, deadly
Kiss me, deadly
Kiss me
Kiss me, tonight | | |
| Nights in white satin
Never reaching the end;
Letters I've written
Never meaning to send
Beauty I'd always missed
With these eyes before;
Just what the truth is
I can't say any more
'Cause I love you,
Yes I love you,
Oh! How I love you.
Gazing at people
Some hand in hand,
Just what I'm going through
They can't understand
Some try to tell me
Thoughts they cannot defend;
Just what you want to be
You will be in the end
And I love you,
Yes I love you,
Oh! How I love you!
Oh! How I love you!
Nights in white satin
Never reaching the end;
Letters I've written
Never meaning to send
Beauty I've always missed
With these eyes before;
Just what the truth is
I can't say any more
'Cause I love you,
Yes I love you,
Oh! How I love you!
Oh! How I love you! | | |
| http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=KaosNeverDied
read, be informed. Thursday May 19, 2005 posting. | | |
| i cant fall alseep. this isn't just some random insomnia night. i've been like this for a long time now. i thought that once school finals ended that it might end. but it didn't. these thoughts consume my mind, and the pain consumes my heart. it seems i will always feel these emotions. defeat, betrayal, loss, hate, depression. i don't want them anymore. i dont like looking in the mirror and seeing nothing looking back at me. i've tried creating a new outlook on life, but i don't know if i've grown at all, no one can tell me, because no one knows. at least it seems that way, i thought i had grown, but i realize that i had just changed. these thought's and images kill me a little more everyday. i am more like my father than any of his other children, he is part of me whether or not he is around. i can feel it in me, apathetic and unaware. i can also see it, manifested in the face, the blank meaningless expression, there is no expression.void. like him, i have the abilities and intelligence, but i lack the motivation.
there is more to it than larry though. i noticed a distance between myself and others. for this i have no answers, only hypothesis, which dance in my head. everything i see reminds me of what i might be losing. i can't stand to be in my room. i see the pictures and the mementos, my bed, my cds, the letters. i could tear it down, store it all in a drawer, but it would still beckon to me. taunting me to relive it all again. to go back and go completely insane. but i won't dismiss it from my sight until the core meaning of it is gone.
yet i sometimes go blind without closing my eyes because it overwhelmes me. it will always be born again in another form. and it will always hurt, sometimes more, sometimes less. for a while, i was more happy than i had ever been before, but now it dwindles, like the light of the candle when there is no more wax. now i must come to a decision; do i crawl back into myself, or do i welcome the next turn?
"Came to a point, do i laugh or do i cry?
came to a point, do i live or do i die?
i called out, 'do you even exist?'
'what do you ask', came a voice from the mist"
i don't know yet. i need the answers, but first, they need the questions. they don't want them, but perhaps if they answered the questions, they would feel better as well. i carve this path in my soul, so that i might always have it.
Barren lands and barren minds
In another place and time
I feel I've never known myself
Frozen in the sand again
See the blank expressions waiting for progression
They're standing still in place and time
And no one's moving, they're only
Standing still in ice cold ice cold ice
All machines and all are one
Catching up on what's been done
Stealing glimpses from the past
These impressions always last
Never penetrating, always contemplating
We sit and count the blessings but we're blessed by icons
No one else could
Trust in ice cold ice cold ice cold ice
We'll stay together till the end
Thinking you might be a friend
We sit and pray together that they might change the weather
My love for you will never die
If I sound distant, that's because
You shouldn't see me crying ice cold ice | | |
|
